Over the past couple of months, since I launched my blog, I have started to see changes in myself. While most of them have been positive, some of them has had a negative effect on me for sure. In the very beginning of this journey, there was one thing that I had promised you all – That I would be real. And so, it makes absolute sense to me to talk to you about all the real things I have been going through all this while.
A lot of you who read my blogs know me personally, some of you know who I am but you have gotten to know so much more about me through my writing. But, astonishingly, most of the love I have received is through complete strangers. And that is exactly what I had set out to do through TheRealReshmi – I had set out to connect with real people, know about them, let them know about me and maybe touch their lives in some way amidst their busy morning cups of coffee.
One of the things that I knew I could expect was negativity, and although I had expected it knowing fully well that social media is a dirty playground where everyone is entitled to an opinion, I had a hard time dealing with such negativity. And today, that’s exactly what I would love to share with you, not just because this is what I faced and I expect you all to sympathize with me, but because I’m pretty sure all of us have negativity in our lives, and we all could do with understanding how to deal with it, and how to teach our brain not to be negative-biased. I’ll come to that a little later, but for now, let’s get on with some of the comments or feedback that I thought were negative in nature and what I did to tackle them at my end.
Firstly, when it comes to comments and feedbacks, I allow every comment on my blog to be published as long as they are “relevant” to the blog in question – It is a simple rule I follow and when anyone has to talk about something other than the relevant blog, I prefer they privately message me over email.
Out of ten comments that I get every day, nine of them are very positive, and it is because of the inspiration that these people create in my psyche, that I am able to stay inspired to create content. The negative comments in question, if written in a way to critique a topic in a healthy way would always be welcome – However, if these comments are simply to create pessimism, it is best to cut ‘em out of your life.
One such feedback that I received from a reader was sort of hurtful and I am going to share it here without really taking names – She said that she had been following my blog as well as my social media handles for a while now, and she felt that my content was provocative and attention-seeking. She also said that I am always showing off my “model-like looks” and my “perfect marriage” and that I should be focusing more on the content of my blogs rather than trying to do the above things.
So, ideally, as a blogger and a practical thinker, I should be treating such cases with complete apathy – However, because I am really sensitive as a person and because negativity perhaps affects me more than it affects others, I was momentarily upset.
So, how did I deal with it? – Now, just because I do not allow the irrelevant comments on my blogs, I definitely reply to each and every one of my readers, as it is vital for me to stay in touch and address every one of your questions.
So, here was my response –
Thanks for your comment.
I am glad that you have been following my writing for a while now – Firstly, I cannot approve your comment on the blog post as it is not relevant to the particular blog on which you posted your comment – An observation like this (general) can be sent directly to me over e-mail.
Now, coming to the point – Writing is highly subjective by nature – At a time when a certain sect of readers may applaud you for what you’re doing, other readers may think like you, which is definitely not wrong, but natural. However, I cannot change the way I am nor will I change the way I present myself to the world because of the applause or the criticism by any of the above sects.
As a writer and a content creator, I need to be true to myself in the things that I believe in, and if it may seem provocative to some, so be it – My social media (Instagram & Facebook) is not a medium to only get my writing across to people – It is also a window into the life of a real girl who does real things – and real can never be right or wrong. Real is just real.
Coming to the point where you felt that I show off my “model-like” looks and my perfect marriage, I am sad that you felt that way – However, if you actually have been following my blogs and my writing for a while, you would know, that biasing on looks is something that I strongly feel about – At one end, you see girls who are constantly body-shamed by the society for being too fat or too dark, at the same time, girls like me face bias all the time, sometimes being called a bimbo, sometimes, being called show-off (like now). It is also very surprising how women bring other women down, whereas, if women used the power of positivity in uplifting other women, it would create a highly potent force that the world will learn to accept. The idea is to break such stereotypes. And most of the times, rather than writing about only myself, I write about my friends and acquaintances who have experienced things such as this.
And I have never tried to show the world that my marriage is perfect, my motive behind all my content is to drive my thoughts forward, and all the things I have learnt and am continuously learning.
Lastly, I agree with you that content is king, however, the way to present the content is totally my prerogative. I am not taking your comments defensively, and I hope that neither do you.
Thank you for your time, and hope you continue reading!
Rule Number One – If there is negativity in your life, face it head on.
Rule Number Two – Face the source of negativity with kindness, curtness and clarity – Address the points and try to counteract it with reasoning.
Rule Number Three – Stick to your principles – If you know you’re right, you’re right and nobody can make you feel bad about yourself. And nobody has the right to. And nobody has the power to. Only you do.
Rule Number Four – Give them a chance to understand you and pull back their negativity – If they do, there’s nothing better. If they don’t, cut them out of your life.
These rules hold good for friends, colleagues and even family. Most of the times, we keep making excuses on behalf of our loved ones who inculcate negativity into our lives, however, remember, that such people are not worth the seconds of your life that you spend wrapped up in pessimism.
I want to end this blog on positive notes, and that’s why, let me bring forward some of the great things my readers have told me in the past, that keeps me positive and that ushers me away from all the negativity.
“I love reading your blogs! Every picture of you speaks a gazillion unsaid things, and I am sure when you write, words flow effortlessly. Also, you are beautiful! Have a meaningful day ahead!”
“Beautiful Reshmi, this is the second blog post that spoke right to my heart. Very relatable.
Continue writing, your blogs are beautiful.”
“Very well put Reshmi, anyone who has had to leave home for studies or, employment relate to each and everything you wrote. I wish all of us lost, could find a bridge to the 2nd option you left with before it’s too late. Keep writing.“
“You have been such an inspiration to me – Most of what you write about, I have faced in my life – I wish more people would read this and get awakened to learn the right from wrong. Keep it up!”
“Gosh Reshmi Keep this going, will you please? Great job, kudos!”
“Fabulous Reshmi! I love what you write and look forward to your blogs.”
“This spoke to me on so many different levels…and also made me miss home.”
“Excellent! A time lapse of nature, love, hope and despair. Great imagery, stroked with flawless use of the language!”
The most positive thing, in my opinion, is gratitude, and humility – And, for all these lovely people who show me so much positivity every day of my life, I am ever so grateful. You all are not just my readers, you are a part of my inspiration – Thank you for listening to me.
I just have one request to all of you – Stay with me, until the very end.